But What if it Goes Right?
During one of my 2:00 am TikTok binges, a simple video came up on my timeline asking, “But What if it Goes Right?” That simple question at face value doesn’t mean much, but I needed to hear that. Anytime I commit to something whether it be for work or not, I tend to think of all the things that could go wrong. I don’t have a hard time with decision-making, but I do struggle with worrying about the outcomes of my decisions.
Recently I’ve really been trying to fight against my own imposter syndrome of thinking “I’m not good enough, there are already better people out there doing what I want to do, I don’t have the skills, I don’t have the talent, I don’t have enough integrity.”
Imagine how much we could accomplish without giving it a second thought if imposter syndrome didn’t exist. One of my resolutions for the new year was to stop doubting myself. It’s strange how we can feel confident at one moment, and then feel completely lost and confused at another. Letting the negative self-talk win, means me not growing and learning because of the idea that I will fail even before I try.
What Is Imposter Syndrome?
“Impostor syndrome (IS) refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context.
To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony — you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud — like you don’t belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.”
One of the reasons why I finally decided to pull the trigger on making a website for myself was because I knew the idea I had for Chaotic Good was something people could relate to and respond positively to. It took me talking down my imposter syndrome to have the guts to create and share my work. Or at least trying to ignore my feelings of inadequacy.
The thought I had before making my website live was, “people might think this is stupid.” Literally, I haven’t even had anyone look at the website, and I was already dissing my own work. I can’t just assume people won’t like what I have to share if they haven’t even had the chance to see it yet. Yes, I know not everyone will like what I share or put out, but I can’t control someone’s opinion of me or my work. All I can do is post what I like and what I think others will like and if there are people who enjoy it, they will.
Feel Like a Fraud?
The article Feel like a fraud? by the American Psychological Association broke down Imposter Syndrome clearly:
“Most people experience some self-doubt when facing new challenges, says Lieberman. “But someone with [imposter phenomenon] has an all-encompassing fear of being found out to not have what it takes.” Even if they experience outward signs of success — getting into a selective graduate program, say, or acing test after test — they have trouble believing that they’re worthy.”
For individuals who have imposter syndrome, they’ll experience feelings of needing to perform every task perfectly and not ask for help. “That perfectionism can lead to two typical responses, according to Clance. An impostor may procrastinate, putting off an assignment out of fear that he or she won’t be able to complete it to the necessary high standards. Or, he or she may over-prepare, spending much more time on a task than is necessary.”
Unfinished
As I write this, I’m realizing that most of the time when I experience imposter syndrome, it’s not someone inherently putting pressure on me. Because I know my own capabilities, I naturally put pressure on myself to reach the expectations I’ve set. Although this can be healthy behavior, it also can become toxic.
What I notice myself doing the most in relation to imposter syndrome is feeling like no matter what project or task I have, it must be 100% done, or else it’s not good. That in order to receive recognition and praise, I need to have whatever it is I put my name on be fully done. For some reason, I get really keyed up if I show some form of work I did to someone else, and it’s not done.
I’ve always been like this. When I was in kindergarten, my mom once came to pick me up after school. She found me hysterically crying as my teacher was trying to console me. My teacher said to my mom that I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t finishing a simple assignment by the end of the day. Both my teacher and mother told me over and over “it’s okay, you don’t have to finish this. It doesn’t matter.” At the time, I couldn’t process my emotions or feelings of why I was so mad. This kind of behavior stuck with me as I got older and it’s still something I’m working on. Telling myself it’s okay to not have something 100% done is something I need to actively work on in order to believe it.
Don’t Give the Negative Voice Power
If Chaotic Good works to accept imperfections and forgive our weaknesses, I can’t be a hypocrite. If I’m really going to write and post for those who could benefit from encouragement, I need to do the same thing to myself.
I hope by choosing to share my thoughts in a way that’s transparent allows you to get the courage to try out new things you’ve always wanted to. Imposter syndrome is so dumb but it’s inevitable. I can recount all of the times I felt like I wasn’t qualified enough for something but still did it anyway.
Anytime I’ve felt inadequate and pushed through regardless of my negative self-talk, it’s always turned out just fine. Understand what the voices in your head are telling you, but don’t give that negative voice power. The more we can own that we’re deserving of everything we have in our lives, the less our imposter syndrome will win.
I know it’s difficult to let go of the negative voices. I’ve been having a hard time with that lately but when we’re able to push through those feelings, we can come out on the other side much more confident than before.